your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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