He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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