your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
