flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
