she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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