a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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