I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
