I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
