i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
