did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
