Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
