I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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