i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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