if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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