the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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