The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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