we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
