I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
