Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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