sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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