he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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