my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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