dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize