he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
