I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
