Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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