I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
