i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
