Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
