Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
