just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
