I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're like the curious george of whores
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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