your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
