The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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