You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
