There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
