My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
