My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
