I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's just like the Real World with babies
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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