I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize