my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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