so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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