I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
high people should be assigned attendants
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
