just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
