As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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