i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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