I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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