I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
