just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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