I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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