You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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