Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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