Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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