I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
