I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
