Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
