Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
