I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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