Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
