Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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