the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
