pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
