Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
