Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize