Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize