So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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