I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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