Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
