youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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