If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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