You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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