I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
