I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
