I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drake has all the answers
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
