dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
