I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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