Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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