dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
