Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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