Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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