Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
