If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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