Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
